These are bad times for Cabinet ministers. By now they must be squirming in their seats because of the Riot Act read to them at the Cabinet bonding session last Friday.

It is not going to be an easy ride for most of the waheshimiwa - because the couple at the helm of the leadership equation in this country has openly declared their intention to save their political marriage.

So if you are a Cabinet minister by default with the sole intention of derailing the grand coalition train, then the two "lovers" - the President and the Prime Minister - are not going to allow such destructive shenanigans. Hakuna sikuuu!

The marriage is intact. In fact, it has been consummated - repeat after me, c-o-n-s-u-m-m-a-t-e-d!

It is like holding hopes for an unwilling lover even as she glides down the aisle and off to her honeymoon even after she heaps more scorn on your broken heart by producing offspring after offspring.

And this is the part I like most; those good-for-nothing, conniving politicians on either side of the grand coalition, whose sole purpose is to wreak havoc on the delicate political balance in the country, have no room in this nation's future.

The words rolled off President Kibaki and Honourable Raila Odinga's tongues like amazing nuggets of wisdom and goodwill. Who would have thought that the two would share the same vision?

No, there was no drama at the Kenyan School of Monetary Studies last Friday. There was no contradiction of speech or double speak.

There was only wisdom, that of the marital kind when a couple is through with the honeymoon and now face reality knowing very well that survival of the marriage depends entirely on how sane the two of them will remain.

These are difficult times oh, Cabinet ministers! I know most of you are smarting from the Friday blues, angry at your leaders for perhaps not following the route of scorn and bickering, no?

To put it plainly, Kibaki and Raila are in love. I am sure the love part is difficult to understand but oh, yes, they are and guess what? Before they arrived at the venue of the Cabinet bonding, they did what most couples do before they make a public appearance - they sat opposite each other, knees touching, holding hands, feet teasing and looked deep into each other's eyes. Deep. Absolutely deep oh, ladies and gentlemen of the grand coalition Cabinet!

When two protagonists look each other in the eye, then you have reason to be afraid - very afraid. The eyes do not lie. They mirror the soul.

Those two know what they did last summer when they took time off to take stock of what encompasses this grand coalition marriage. They sat together and counted losses and strategised on gains. Oh, yeah, they do know that they come from strange divides with quite some colourful frills to their names. They know they are walking a really tightrope. They also know that the vultures are circling, eager to feast on their carcasses were they to fall flat on their faces, and the vultures have names and faces similar to those people in Cabinet, Washindwe!

The riot act was music to the ears of ordinary Kenyans who rarely gets a glimpse into what really goes on in the corridors of power. So, Cabinet ministers can actually be reminded why they are holding their posts? Lest, you forget, all 35 million Kenyans will keep you in check, lest you forget your obligations to serve.

We are on the lookout for those of you who will fight each other in public, engage in blame games and participate in media wars. Of course, over the years and the past few months, you have perfected this art. We even know of some top Cabinet fliers who have monopolised media space and carved out budgets every month to shadow box imaginary enemies.

The two powers-that-be oblige you, oh honourable Cabinet ministers not to ever, ever forget that there is only one President and one Prime Minister. Need I say more?

I told you, these are tough times for you Cabinet ministers because corruption and abuse of office is under scrutiny, right from the top brass, and that is compulsory. That, and performance standards and the fact that you should not skip parliamentary sessions.

From where I sit, I can only but sigh with relief, alongside other Kenyans in the knowledge that none other than your appointing authorities are subjecting the whole lot of you to a serious test.

True, the tables might not be turning to your liking. So much has gone down the drain in the countdown to this grand coalition, but if you still harbour some dissent, please grow up and deal with it!

The marriage is on a roll. This couple is sharing a bed of power and I entirely trust my wise mother who put across to me never to interfere where two people have shared a bed because I would mostly probably end up being the villain.

So here we are, with the guiding noose with which to tighten around your necks when you default. Lest you forget oh, Cabinet ministers, your two bosses put you on notice right in front of the cameras so there was nothing to hide. Be warned - We are watching you!

What if you lived in Myanmar?

Some things happen so that they can be examples to others. Some tragedies, for instance, occur so that we can learn to be more grateful, or is it more vigilant?

What would have become of you if you lived in Myanmar, trapped in that country following a cyclonic devastation?

The UN believes that the severe storm wiped out over 100,000 people.

Just where would you be, a statistic or amongst the survivors, remembering how to live after a momentary detour to hell?

Myanmar has graced this column before, again for tragic reasons when the world watched in dismay a few months ago as the ruling junta opened fire on harmless demonstrating monks.

The cyclone alone has been shocking but even more appalling is the iron-fisted ruling junta's attitude.

It is resisting any help from the outside world, compounding the frustrations of people in dire need of humanitarian aid.

Just a few months ago and currently too, our country was and is still appealing for outside help to clean up the mess that shamed us at the beginning of the year.

True, things were bad internally and the leadership of this nation was in doubt. However, we did not shut the doors to outside help. In fact, we even begged for it.

Even though we burned, we still acknowledged the importance of humanitarian aid and outside help in situations where we felt were beyond our internal capability.

Is this not a lesson for Myanmar given the desperation that prevails in that country?

Be grateful

There is every reason for you and me to be grateful that we are not in Myanmar.

We should be thankful that even in the worst of our circumstances we have not sunk so low.

Still we mourn and agonise with the citizens of Myanmar, who, just like us, never chose to be born in that unfortunate country in Asia, where even mourning aloud has become a luxury for the few.

Myanmar reminds me of distant places in the mind when one is in unimaginable pain and wonders if there will ever be respite.

It also reminds me of the futility of choosing one's destiny, the futility of watching helplessly as life rushes by through storms of life that cannot be controlled.

It reminds me of the many prayers I have said and forgotten, the more that I need to make.

And yes, it does remind me to be grateful to be in a country like Kenya where, despite the internal turmoil, the taps from outside world have not been turned off.

Puzzle of modern man and woman

The modern man says he does not understand the modern woman. The modern woman claims the modern man is a tough nut to crack.

The modern man goes ahead to say that the modern woman is too big for her bridges. He says she is too tough-headed to be domesticated as a wife and mother.

Up in arms

But the modern woman, too, is up in arms. She says the modern man does not have the balls to handle her, what with all her academic and intellectual accomplishments.

She complains that apart from sweating it out in the hospital delivery room, she now also burns the hours and puts food on the table.

And what does the modern man have to say about this? He curses the woman and rebels in the most violent, immoral and unethical way possible.

But the puzzle still remains to be solved. For the sake of the continuity of mankind, the family unit, the sobriety of natural coexistence and the peace of all men of goodwill, the modern man and the modern woman have to meet at some common ground and agree to maintain some kind of sane balance.

How, I pray, is this sober equation going to be attained? Do you, by any chance, have a clue?